The 9 Must Have Life Skills part 2

Motivational Quotes

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Serenity Prayer


Cease to ask what the morrow will bring forth, and set down as gain each day that Fortune grants.” – Horace.


Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called present.” – Unknown


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain.


“Failure is blindness to the strategic element in events; success is readiness for instant action when the opportune moment arrives.”  – Newell D. Hillis.

Welcome to part 2 of “the 9 must have life skills.” In part 1 I talked about the first three life skills namely; the skill of influencing; the skill of delegation and the skill of persuasion. Click here to read “The 9 must have life skills part 1.”

As mentioned in part 1 this article will be more of help to those in a leadership role. “Leadership does not always wear the harness of compromise” ~ Woodrow Wilson.

In this article, we will look at the next 3 life skills. You may wonder why I call them life skills and not leadership skills, this is because we are all born leaders and we have these skills in us.

The skills are listed randomly even though they are related.

The Skill of Coaching

This is perhaps one of the most critical skills to have in relation to delegation. If you are in a leadership position you will or may have delegated some work to your subordinate(s) and the most critical area is to have confidence in your colleague.

The only way confidence can be created is by way of coaching. You will only have confidence in someone if you know that they were properly coached and more especially if the coaching was done by you.

By definition “coaching is a process which supports people in developing their skills and achieving their skills”. The subject of coaching is a wide one that needs a dedicated article. I promise to do more research on this topic.

There are several approaches to coaching and they all tend to be in agreement that it involves:

  • Activities to develop someone’s skills and abilities. This could be either on a one on one or group basis.
  • Developing targets that are both individual and group-oriented. This is very common in sports-related activities.
  • Focus on improving performance, this could be individual or team.

I believe the skill of coaching is equally important even in parenting. These days our children are very clever and they need to be coached in order to get the maximum benefit from their academic work.

The speed at which they learn is amazingly fast and as a parent, you just need to keep up with them. A good leader should be able to coach, that is imparting some of his skills to his colleagues.

A good leader is judged by how knowledgeable and skilled his team members are. If you are a leader you will be judged by the results your team is achieving.


Feedback is inter-linked with the skill of coaching. I regard feedback as a form of communication. Feedback serves two main purposes:

  • Motivation – when a team is performing well, feedback can increase confidence and encourage the team to perform at the same high or even higher level.
  • Correction – this is also true when a team is not performing at the expected level, feedback can be used to assess how to change and improve performance for the better.

This skill (feedback) can be very critical in the following instances;

  • When providing coaching support. At this point, there is feedback from both the coach and the student. As coaching involves the setting of goals the student has to give feedback on the progress and what difficulties are being encountered. The coach also has to give feedback on the modification of the program if need be.
  • Reviewing how a delegated activity is progressing. When you delegate work there is a need for feedback from both ends to ascertain that the job is being done correctly and the person delegated has understood the instructions.
  • Conducting management reviews and appraisals. In a work environment as a leader you will be required to conduct employment appraisals for your juniors. Appraisals are a two way assessment. The person being assessed gives feedback to his appraiser and vice versa.
  • Handling conflict – this is discussed below.
  • Facilitating – this is also discussed in part 3.

For feedback to be appreciated it has to be positive. The following are a few tips for ensuring positive feedback:

  • Feedback has to be specific and to the point.
  • Feedback has to be fair and sincere. This will ensure maximum or intended results to be achieved with minimum difficulty.
  • Feedback should be descriptive and focused on action and not on an individual.
  • Feedback can also be futuristic. This is especially important for corrective feedback.

Remember that feedback is a very vital skill for both good leaders and managers.

The Skill of Conflict Handling

The final skill to be dealt with in this part is the skill of handling conflicts. I would be safe to assume that every one of us have had to resolve some feud of some sort. It doesn’t matter how it was resolved but it was done.

Conflict handling is vital to all human beings whether in leadership roles or not. Yet this is one skill that many of us do not want to have or use. A good leader should know how to resolve conflicts among his team members. This is vital because unresolved conflicts can be very detrimental to the team as a whole.

The first step in handling conflicts is to be aware of the possible reason behind the conflict. A mini investigation can be conducted to ascertain the cause. By definition, some conflicts are easier to handle than others. Some cases can be very difficult to handle that you may require a third party to help resolve them.

Firstly you need to understand as the person in charge that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. There are bound to be conflicts where two or more people are gathered.

You will also appreciate that if conflicts are resolved properly they can add a lot of motivation to the group, by making the team understand each other even better.

There are however different approaches to handling conflicts. I know for sure that most of us do not want to handle conflicts or would rather find the easy way out. Unfortunately, there is no shortcut.

I believe that conflicts have to be faced or handled head-on. Whichever method is used please ensure that the parties involved are satisfied with the resolution. I know that it is impossible to please all but always look at the bigger picture and what is beneficial to the aggrieved parties.


I feel that the topic on coaching has not been done much justice. I will be writing a whole article on this very challenging topic so you can have an insight of what coaching is all about.

The skill of coaching is a must have for all. “I believe that the mind-set that allows you to spend your working life thinking and congratulating people rather than being unpleasant to them is the mainstay of good leadership” ~ Tim Waterstone. Bye for now and remember to always “standout tall and be counted.” Revised on 01/03/2021.

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Improve your self esteem part 2

This is the final part in a two part series. In the first part I mentioned the importance of having goals; principles and success experiences and how these impact on your self esteem. I will mention the remaining 3 that is comparison with others; recognition and rewards and how these affect your self esteem.

Comparison with others

The fourth element of self-esteem is comparison with others. Leon’s study concluded that in determining how well we are doing, we do not compare ourselves with abstract principles and standards, but, rather, we compare ourselves with people we know. To feel like a winner, you must know for sure that you are doing as well as or better than someone else. The more you know about how well the others in your field are doing, and the more favorably you compare with them, the more you will feel like a winner, and the higher your self-esteem will be.

Successful people continually compare themselves with other successful people. In order to succeed you must have a mentor. They think about them and read about them and study their performances, and then they work towards improving their own failures. The best competition you cash have is yourself. Begin to compete with your previously achieved goals and improve on them. I believe that success is not a destination but a long journey.


“When we come into a recognition of the Unity of all things and that the source of all power is within, we tap the source of inspiration” ~ Charles Haanel. The next element for self- esteem is recognition of your accomplishments by people whom you respect. To feel really great about yourself, you need the recognition of people you look up to and admire, such as your boss, your coworkers, your spouse and people in your social circle. Whenever you are recognized and praised for any accomplishment by someone whose opinion you hold in high regard, your self-esteem goes up, along with your eagerness and enthusiasm to do even better on the job. We all need a pat on back for the work well done. I am sure you have been to places were even when you have done your very best no one comes to congratulate or encourage you. It feels like you are just wasting your time and energy.

Recognition is a very nice feeling. Most of what we do if not everything, we all want to be recognized for it. At least I am talking about myself.


Don’t we all want to be rewarded for our efforts? The final element of self-esteem involves rewards that are consistent with your accomplishments. You may work in a field where you receive financial bonuses, status symbols—larger offices, bigger cars—or even plaques and trophies for superior achievement. All of those symbols can have an incredible impact on raising your self-esteem and causing you to feel terrific about yourself. Expecting to be rewarded for your efforts comes naturally.

If, however, your existing situation does not offer the tangible or intangible rewards that are necessary for you to build and maintain your self-esteem, you must create rewards for yourself. One of the smartest things you can do is to design a system for giving yourself rewards for both small and large accomplishments as you move progressively toward your goals.

Whether or not your current environment provides the six elements of selfesteem improvement that is goals, principles, success experiences, comparison with others, recognition, and rewards; you need to establish your own structure and take full responsibility for building and improving yourself up on a regular basis.

When you have that foundation, you will experience a form of mental fitness and unshakable optimism that will sustain you through failure and propel you to success.


Improving your self esteem should be like physical exercising. To achieve and enjoy your life’s purpose you need to cultivate a high self esteem. Generally people with a high self esteem are more likeable and live a happier life than those with a low self esteem. Like I always say that personal development of self growth does not come over night so is a high self esteem. Keep working on your self esteem. You will never say I have arrived at the destination of high self esteem it is a continuous journey. Bye for now always remember to “standout tall and be counted”.

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5 Qualities of leaders and motivators part 2

This is the final part of a two part series. If you missed out on part 1 please click here before you continue. In part one I talked about the first two qualities and these are vision and courage. We learned that we are all born with these qualities and that the difference between leaders and followers is the expression of them to the world. I also talked about the importance of vision and courage in leadership. In this issue I will write about integrity; realism and responsibility as the other qualities of leadership and motivation.


“In the arena of human life the honors and rewards fall to those who show their good qualities in action “~ Aristotle. My third quality is integrity. I believe integrity underlines all other qualities. The measure of integrity is determined by how honest you are in your critical areas of your life. How honest do you handle other peoples finances. Can someone trust you with their valuable possessions? Can you be trusted with handling say public matters even when it means that you will lose popularity in the short term?

Integrity means that you, as a leader, admit your shortcomings. It means that you work to develop your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. Integrity means that you tell the truth, and that you live the truth in everything that you do and in all your relationships. Integrity means that you deal straight forwardly with people and situations and that you do not compromise what you believe to be true. “In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock”. ~ Thomas Jefferson


True realism consists in revealing the surprising things which habit keeps covered and prevents us from seeing” ~ Jean Cocteau. The fourth quality of motivational leadership is realism. Realism is a form of intellectual honesty. The realist insists upon seeing the world as it really is, not as he wishes it were. This objectivity, this refusal to engage in self-delusion, is a mark of the true leader. A leader accepts situations as they are and transforms them to his advantage.

Those who exhibit the quality of realism do not trust to luck, hope for miracles, pray for exceptions to basic business principles, expect rewards without working or hope that problems will go away by themselves. These all are examples of self-delusion, of living in a fantasy land. Yes I know that miracles do happen but not without you playing a part. The part you play and the amount of faith you have will definitely be a determining factor.

The motivational leader insists on seeing things exactly as they are and encourages others to look at life the same way. As a motivational leader, you get the facts, whatever they are. You deal with people honestly and tell them exactly what you perceive to be the truth. This doesn’t mean that you will always be right, but you will always be expressing the truth in the best way you know how. There by excising your integrity in the process.


It is said by Brian Tracy that “the happiest people in the world are those who feel absolutely terrific about themselves, and this is the natural outgrowth of accepting total responsibility for every part of their life”. This is the mark of a true leader. The fifth of motivational leadership is responsibility. This is perhaps the hardest to develop. It is the duty of a good leader to accept responsibility no matter what the outcome is. In the same manner as when the out is positive he takes all the parting on the back. He should take the brunt when things have failed.

If, instead of accepting responsibility when things go wrong, you make excuses, blame someone else and simultaneously become angry and resentful and blow up, this may cost you. Personal leadership and motivational leadership are very much the same. To lead others, you must first lead yourself. To be an example or a role model for others, you must first become an excellent person yourself.

There is no dodging responsibility. Know also that you are responsible for your own life. Your very own life is in your hands. You are responsible for your actions. Wrong or right, bad or good they are your actions. If you want to become more, more of you is expected. “Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more”. ~ Tony Robins


Finally, take action. You know that all mental preparation and character building is merely a prelude to action. You become a motivational leader by motivating yourself. And you motivate yourself by striving toward excellence, by committing yourself to becoming everything you are capable of becoming. You motivate yourself and others by continually looking for ways to help others to improve their lives and achieve their goals. You become a motivational leader by becoming the kind of person others want to get behind and support in every way and remember that we all have the five qualities in us wake them up and see how far you can go. “Standout tall and be counted”.

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Motivational Quotes

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Serenity Prayer


Cease to ask what the morrow will bring forth, and set down as gain each day that Fortune grants.” – Horace.


Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called present.” – Unknown


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain.


“Failure is blindness to the strategic element in events; success is readiness for instant action when the opportune moment arrives.”  – Newell D. Hillis.

This is the final part on inspiration leads to success. In this article I encourage you to have positive thoughts and how they relate to inspiration. Note that pessimism, negativity, anxiety and apprehension drain the energy within you. So focus only on the positive side in every situation that you encounter; this way, things get done more easily and efficiently. So to sustain motivation, it requires rationalization that is anchored on positive outcome from endeavors. I know that sometimes we can yield negative results from our endeavors but this should be a stepping stone for improvement and or change of approach. To succeed in life failure must not be accepted. Our minds must be tuned to only accept positive results. Failure only becomes failure if accepted.

Find motivation and develop enthusiasm. Thinking positively is one way of finding your inspiration. Know in your mind and your heart what you are capable of accomplishing. If you doubt, then you lose the game right there and then.  You cannot ever accomplish anything when you first do not believe that you can. Success begins with the changing of your mind set. See article on change your mind and enjoy your success. The bible encourages us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. How do we renew our minds? one of the best ways is to read inspiration and motivational materials. The Bible is very rich in this aspect.

Keep in mind that every act begins with either a positive or negative thought, whereby positive thoughts gains positive results. Be very certain on what you want to do, to achieve and to become and concentrate on those thoughts each day. I would recommend a book by Napoleon Hill “Think and Grow Rich”. The book outlines some great principles you can use to help keep your mind focused on your intended purpose in life.

Be enthusiastic in everything that you do small or big things and remember that little things when put together, become one big thing. The Bible teaches us not to despise the days of our small beginnings. It is the small savings that when put together amount to large savings. Remember they say Rome was not built in one day.

Act on your goals! Take the necessary steps towards achieving it and begin now. Each day, set up a plan of action and then work on it.  At the end of the day, review what you have done and record it. You will be amazed at how much important it is to document your progress on a regular basis. Then return to your journal each week to see how well you are progressing, or if there are certain acts that needs revising or if you need to take another route.

Look at your goals each day and get inspiration from it. Never allow negative thoughts to invade your mind. Even when you see that you are not progressing, continue and be patient. Never let it discourage you.  Remember, as they often say “where there is a will, there is always a way”.  So stand firm and continue your struggle. Remember that each one encounters problems along the way; successful individuals however kept on going when others have quit.

Enhance your knowledge by indulging in inspirational and positive books, talk to successful people and never stop learning.  Keep on focusing on success, on your goals.  Minimize spending time with people of negative outlook in life as they will often drain you and bring you down.

Success is built on the inspiration of all your little dreams and decisions that you have made for a certain period.  Note that it will not come overnight instead, stone by stone; it is built, carefully, but surely.  So be patient, your time will come.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration” – Thomas Edison. Make that decision to succeed now. Look into yourself and see that fire burning, ready to be ignited by inspiration’s strength and ready to soar.  Take some actions now, or else, nothing will happen and they will just remain to be a dream. Always remember to “standout tall and be counted”.

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The five D’s of Success part 2

In part 1 I talked about Dreams and Desires. I will now focus on the 3 remaining D’s of success that is Diligence; Determination and Discipline.


To me diligence is a very important factor to my success. In every thing that I do I try as much as possible to be as careful as can be. Remember that my dream is to help someone out there to help change their mind into a more positive one. To do this I use my own personal experiences and through spiritual growth and reading. There is no way you can grow personally without spiritual guidance. Personal development is no easy task and requires that you do things diligently and articulately. There is no personal success without being diligent in what ever you do.

To secure the desired results, it is necessary to know and diligently comply with the law of success.  A proper compliance with the law  of success will be found to produce the desired result with invariable exactitude.  Growth is attained through an exchange of the old for the new, of the good for the better. It is a conditional or reciprocal action. We cannot obtain what we lack if we tenaciously cling on to what we have.


We all know that personal growth does not come on a silver platter. If you have been to school you know very well that to get good grades you need to have determination. Yes you will come across temporary set backs. Notice that I use the word “temporary” these are not permanent unless you decide to make them. The decision is entirely up to you.

We cannot obtain what we lack if we tenaciously cling to what we have. We are able to consciously control our conditions as we come to sense the purpose of what we attract, and are able to extract from each experience only what we require for our further growth. Our ability to do this determines the degree of harmony or happiness we attain. I liken determination to the vehicle of success without which you cannot reach your destination.


Perhaps the most important of them all is Discipline without which I would not be posting blogs on a frequent basis. We all possess some discipline of some sort. It is the degree of it that determines our success or failure. I have not come across a successful person who is indisciplined. Most successful people are disciplined with what they do. It is by discipline that we achieve our intended desires. Discipline coupled with determination is a recipe for success.

Naturally life requires us to be disciplined in order that we achieve that which we desire to be in our lives. There can never be full success without discipline.


I would like to conclude by reiterating that personal development is no mean achievement. It takes time and patience. Let me remind you that personal development is not a destination. There is day you will say now I have arrived at the destination of personal development. There is always room for improvement. The above five D’s of success have worked for me and I continuously strive to improve on them. Remember to always “standout tall and be counted“.

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